family

I still haven't figured out what I did to deserve it, but I was born into a CRAZY family.

When I say 'crazy' I don't mean "awh, look at Grandma, skinny dipping in the pool again". What I mean by crazy is: "so the doctor's changed dad's medication again, says this time he should stop sexually assaulting the goats once and for all. Ma's gone off the deep end again too - gone off and married another drunken woodsman with a temper".

And although this may sound a bit far fetched, sadly it's not that far from the truth.

I've reached the point where I'm about ready to throw in the towel on my family. I mean, I have one sister that loves me and cares about spending as much time with me as I with her, and she's mostly sane too. :o] And I have a great husband, and we're starting our own family. Plus, I have wonderful in-laws who've taken me in as their own, who don't hesitate to offer help and support, and who actually enjoy our presence.

So why do I still feel the need to keep trying with my mom and others? I'm about ready to just write them off completely.
We'll have to see how Thanksgiving goes - perhaps this will be it.

Music: Janis Joplin - Women Is Losers

Moped Madame

So to catch up, Josh got me a moped for my birthday. It's a 1978 Garelli Rally Sport - bright blue - a beauty. Due to many-much reasons, we just got it back from the mechanic at the end of last week (my birthday was at the beginning of August). So I've ridden it a couple of times now, and it's a blast!!

The day before last I rode it into downtown and poked around the antique store some, and then headed home - just a short trip, enough to make sure it was running fine. Today after work, though, I took it to Wal-mart (about 4 miles away) and then came home the back way (another 8-9 miles or so). It's like a mini motorcycle ... that tops out at 30 mph. It was soooo much fun!

Notable events while out on my big, bad, Harley?
1.) I'm absolutely in love with my moped, especially because it "robbed the craddle" (it's 4 yrs. older than me) - I really don't like the look of the modern scooter that you see around - see #4.
2.) I learned that I need to get a new pair of sunglasses - ones that will block the bugs from flying up underneath the lenses and into my eyes.
3.) Other than me, of course, the people who love mopeds the most (and they will express this to you in the form of cat-calling your bike) are those that still attend Middle/High School.....and ride a bicycle.
4.) I was passed by someone on a scooter....going 35, max.


Music: Billie Holiday - Willow Weep for Me

running away

I just got back from running for the first time in a VERY long time, and it felt wonderful. I have a gym membership that i pay for each month but rarely use, so i decided to take advantage of it tonight. It may sound odd, but it was so nice to just be sweating - to be exercising.

I wont be able to go again until Friday, but I'm looking forward to it. It'll be nice to start feeling strong and healthy again.

Joshua

Sometimes i feel like i live alone, that I'm the only one taking care of the day-to-day tasks/chores - some days/weeks i rarely see Josh, let alone have a discussion with him. This week has been such a week.

For the past few MONTHS now I've been trying to navigate Cigna's website (as well as sitting on hold for 40 minutes at one point) in search for an OB-GYN in our area that is covered by our insurance, and I've been trying to find out as much information as i can about what will be covered when we start to have kids. It seems that all my extra time lately has been spent on this task - it's kinda fun, but most of the time it's scary as well as stressful, since finding out the information that you need from an insurance company can often times be painful and time-consuming.

Three days ago i logged into Cigna's website to continue my searching, and found that our account wasn't working correctly - all of the navigation options were missing. I attempted to call Cigna (for the up-teenth time) and was told that they couldn't help me with our online account, since Josh was the primary holder of the insurance account (although he's never logged onto the site, ever - i created it and maintain it). They let me know that Josh would need to call himself to take care of it.

Okay, whatever - that's their policy, it kinda annoyed me but who cares, right? I told Josh what happened and asked him to simply call them and figure out why our account wasn't working, and he instantly got all huffy and annoyed that HE had to call. Well, needless to say that after repeated calls to Cigna over the course of the last 3 days (and each time i had to plead with him to call back until we got resolution on the whole thing) they needed to cancel our online account (according to them, this will take approx. 3-4 business days) and we need to create a new one.

My question - how is it that when ONE little thing needs to be done by him in order to help me out (and it's the ONLY thing I've asked him to do this whole time I've been researching info. so that WE can prepare to start having kids) - how is it that this one thing seemed to annoy him so much? I don't ask for help around the house with housework (although we both work full-time), i don't ask for any help with paying bills, or the budget or any of that stuff. But i ask him to help me with one thing and he gets all pissy.

He can be such a whinny baby sometimes.

twiddle

Still waiting to hear regarding the below mentioned opportunity. Hopefully it pans out.

The last week has been real busy - friends visited last weekend, Mike from Kansas and others too. Josh's sister was also visiting from North Carolina, and my friend Colby was up from Connecticut. It was a weekend packed with BBQ's, frisbee golf, paintball, and the occasional glass of wine.

So i started my day today by loosing my shift. I got to work and was told that last week my boss had changed the schedule and had given away my shift (without talking to me, or without even TELLING me about it). She has yet to call me (giving her the benefit of the doubt, let's say she didn't realize what she did until she came to work this morning) - she's just ignoring me like she does all her other messages.

One more reason why i hope everything works out with the other option - fingers crossed.

losing it

For the last few weeks the issues at work have come to a head. My personality lends me to being quite tolerant (within reason), as issues build and build, until finally I can't take it any longer. I've reached that point here - and as fate should have it, an opportunity (knock on wood) presents itself at just the right time.

Music: Rufus Wainwright - Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk

i always run late

Beautiful day outside - wish it was a bit warmer though, cause all i want to do is go lay on the beach.

I really want out of where i work now - sometimes i wonder why i even took the job in the first place. Was it a cop-out? Was it laziness, or maybe being too afraid of branching out and trying something that would be a challenge, something I'd never done before? More than likely, all of the above.

Biggest lesson learned so far? Like someone said to me recently, you can't go through life with blinders on - you have to look around you, keeping your eyes open for what else is out there. Don't put yourself in a box.

Music: Cat Power - Dreams

Mother's Day

Jennie and i went up to Mumma's this weekend for Mother's Day. It was nice to see her and the girls - she's had some work done on the house lately too, so it was cool to see that as well.

Saturday was filled with freak rain showers - really heavy down pours that would last for 15-20 minutes and then fade off. During one of these down pours Jennie, Anna and i ran outside and splashed in the puddles. Mumma came out too after awhile - it was a blast, we were soaking wet and laughing like crazy. It was so much fun - felt like i was little again, when Mumma, Jennie and i washed our hair in the rain one time.
It was a really nice weekend - the drive didn't end up being too bad either (Jennie won the alphabet game on the ride back, though).

Cinco de Mayo

Today is the last day of Josh's semester - he ends it with a bang by taking his Pharmacology final. I'm so proud of him - how much work he's put in over this last year. With him in school full-time and working full-time, it certainly wasn't easy. But he's worked so hard, and done really well in his classes, too!
Tomorrow night after i get out of work we're all celebrating by going to Gaucho's - this really yummy Brazilian steakhouse that Josh loves. Next week Josh starts Microbiology for the summer term, but at least he'll just be taking that one class instead of a full-load. And then the fall will start off his final year of school - yippee!!
I'm starting to really get excited about this summer - although it will be incredibly busy at work, as long as the schedule that we came up with works out it should be manageable for everyone. All of us will get every-other weekend off, which is ALOT better than last summer when i worked all but 2 weekends.
Hopefully Josh and i will be able to take the kayaks out alot more this summer, and head out on some camping trips too. It should be a ton of fun!!

Music: Regina Spektor - Somedays

one potato, two potato...

I've always envied those people who knew just what they wanted to do for a living. Everyone knows at least one person who did just that - had a dream and went for it.
I've known more than a handful of "these types". My friend David from college: pastor. My long-time friend Julie: social worker. My cousin Christal: physical therapist. Amara - nurse, Jess - teacher, Chanda - teacher, Alyssa - vet, Cliff - landscaper, Chris - realtor.....and the list goes on.

And so i ask myself, "what's the problem with me?" Why is it that i can't seem to find something that holds my interest for more than a year?? I think i have found the issue: you first need a dream in order to attain it. Just within the last year or so i've started beating myself up about what i do for work, and feeling as though i've wasted the education that i payed so much money for and spent so much time on.
Looking back, i believe it would have been wiser for me to enter the workforce before going to college. I had no idea what it was that i wanted to do for a living...heck, i still don't!! And so i graduated with my Bachelor's in Liberal Arts/English. And what does one do with such a non-descript degree, one may ask?? Why, work at a front desk somewhere, of course!

Maybe i'm what you would call a late-bloomer. Or maybe i haven't found what it is that i'm meant to do yet. Or, the scarier option - maybe i missed an opportunity somewhere along the line that would have lead to the right path for me.
Like they say, we shall see.

Music: Coldplay - Everything's Not Lost

wake up you sleepy-head/rub your eyes/get out of bed...

Josh is still asleep...i'm on my 2nd cup of coffee, have been up for over and hour now, and Josh is still asleep. Even though this is our day off together, this happens quite often with us. But it works: without really trying to, i think we're starting to perfect the dance of our mornings.
I like getting right out of bed the minute that i wake up, if not i start to twitch - i don't drift in and out of sleep for a couple of hours (unless i'm sick). I wander downstairs for a cup of coffee - i don't talk or try and be productive right away. To be honest i value that quiet time ... i just enjoy my coffee and stare out the window or watch the news. After that, if i'm feeling ambitious i'll go for a run or head out for a walk somewhere. Nothing too fancy - just some quiet time while my brain wakes up.
Josh, on the other hand, really enjoys his sleep. If given the choice between paintball, soccer, or even a game of Magic in the morning Josh would pick sleep every time. Now it's not from being lazy or lethargic - with the amount of energy Josh has on reserve at all times i don't know anyone who would consider him either of these things. But he just needs more sleep than the average bear - and i've never heard him complain about that. He just loves to sleep.
And so he gives me my quiet time and i give him his extra hour or so of sleep, and when he wakes up we'll start our day off together.

music: CCR - Looking out my back door

work

So regardless of the fact that today was supposed to be my day off, i will be working. There is a big meeting of all the owners, and since our supervisor was layed-off i get to help out instead. Just one of the many tasks that have landed on my shoulders since she left in January.....and for the same rate of pay.
Don't get me wrong - with the way things are right now in society, i am grateful to have my job at all. But when a company eliminates a position, they need to recognize that the work will fall on someone....and in this case that someone was me.
Awh well, after the meeting Josh and i are going to drive down to Concord to play mini-golf for our "date night", so that will be fun. We played a mini-game of darts to determine who would pick the activity this week - highest score of the first round won ..... Ashley:17, Josh:45!! Normally i beat him when we play at Truant's, but i think i was out of practice....or perhaps it was the absence of spirits that made the difference, who knows.

in the beginning

so hopefully i can use this to try and keep family and friends more up to date with what's going on here with Josh and i (and Jennie too!). As you may know, i'm very bad with even checking my email regularly so i'm not sure how well this will work, but it's worth a shot?


music: Frou Frou - Shh